Day One of the Meditation Challenge

I want to be anonymous. 

I want to be soooo anonymous.  Why?  Because I am so imperfect.  I don't want to be alone when I'm alone, and I want to be alone when my family is around. 

I don't want to say my husband is most likely deeply depressed, and I don't want to say I have troubles with my kid, and I don't want to say I'm worried about my work - getting it keeping it, wondering what it is I'm doing.  So, if I don't want to say all this why am I saying it.  Because it is true.  Because it is not the only thing that is true.  Because I am also healthy, and not bad looking for a 45 year old mom.  Because I know it's pretty much all about my relationship to God, and by that I do believe I mean feeling connected.  It is when I think I am separate, when I compare and despair, when I drive around and think about how much other people make - and wish I could figure out the secret - that I feel awful.  But when I can feel connected - ask God to express itself from inside me - know that I am an expression of God's abundance - then - well, then life is pretty good.  I can really be there for my kid.  I have energy and verve in my work, and I can even have fun with my husband. 

How can I reconnect?  Well, I can get on my knees and have a conversation with God.  As soon as I do that, I can feel how close God is to me all the time.  I can say affirmations - "People love to give me money." Always makes me laugh - especially when it comes true ; - )

What what I continually avoid, and what I think might help quite a bit is to sit on a cushion and meditate.   

Today, I will begin a challenge.  I challenge myself to sit on a cushion and meditate at least 10 minutes a day and blog about it at least 10 minutes a day.  That is a twenty minute commitment that I am making.  

I don't know who will read it - or if it will help even me and my family, but I am willing to try.  I don't want to be separate any more.  In the spirit of my kid, I do this. 

Wish me luck.  Day one. I'll let you know later how it went.