It was 11:35 at night.
The dog thought I was paying him a visit, to be sitting on a low cushion, so kept pushing against me so I would pet him.
Despite his insistence, I did think about the hard time I had with my son today, how after we decided to go to the library, when we got there, he didn't want to go in, and how when I told him I wasn't going to take him clothes shopping he threw his plastic snack bowl at me from the back of the car.
I had a moment to think about how mad I was - until when I was explaining to him that when he goes "Ballistic" it doesn't get him what he wants. "What's Ballistic mommy?" he asked. "It's when you act like a bomb." I said, just trying to explain. But he burst out crying - "I'm scared, I'm scared mommy, I'm scared of Bombs." then I could just hold him and calm him, because there it was, what the therapist had been telling me - the frightened child at the core of the misbehavior. I just hugged him, and connected with my calm inner core, and the rest of the evening went well. So I thought about connecting to that calm inner core as I sat on the cushion where I was pawed at and offered a shake from our rescued blue heeler.
I tried to breathe out fear and frustration, and breath in love and abundance. I tried to think about how I am an expression of God's abundance - even though all day I had the worst bout of financial fear that I've had in ages. I am an expression of God's abundance. I know I just have to get on my knees and pray for great clients and they will appear. I know I just have to pray to hold that calm spot always for my kid.
Thank goodness I'll get another chance tomorrow.
1 comment:
Is that unusual? Having your child throw things at you from the back seat?? Oh. I had no idea. ;)
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